Post by Jimmy Winner on May 1, 2017 18:32:44 GMT
A nice, normal workout. Jimmy Winner stands in front of a mirror doing curls. The radio plays soft rock. The veins in his biceps poke up out of his skin like a submarine breaking the surface of the ocean. Another day of training…
“Hey, shit-face! You wanna hold my cock?”
He drops the dumbbells and turns around to see Wes Chubbman – the mysterious benefactor of BLACK Lion’s Road – walking toward him with his hand cupped around the crotch region of his lime-green tracksuit. The pewter crucifix dangled around his neck as the balding businessman slouched toward him. Chubbman resembled a cross between Scarface and Larry David and now stood so close to him that Jimmy could see his own reflection in the crazed CEO’s aviator sunglasses.
A nervous Jimmy Winner shakes his head slowly. “No. Jimmy doesn’t want to do that.”
Wes grins sadistically. “That’s where you’re wrong, you walking, talking mental disorder.” The businessman nods his head several times. “After what I’m about to tell you, you’re gonna wanna play juggle-the-jewels with my nut-sack. I just got you booked in a title match.”
His jaw freezes his mouth open. “Really? A title match? Jimmy’s never fought in a title match before.”
“Well, my little virgin, this should be exciting for you. The businessman looks down at Winner’s gym shorts. “You didn’t just ejac– ”
“No!” Winner grimaces. “What belt does Jimmy get to fight for?”
Wes steps away, adjusts his crucifix. “Pollomania. The Scramble Championship. Los Angeles, baby. City of Angels. And gang warfare.”
“The Scramble, huh?”
Chubbman grabs him by the shoulders. “And speaking of gang warfare, that’s exactly what kind of match this is gonna be.” Chubbman reaches into his tracksuit and pulls out a Glock .45 caliber pistol. “You’re gonna need this, son.”
The frightened wrestler shakes his head. “But Jimmy doesn’t know how to use a gun!”
“Do you know how to use your cock?”
“Yes…”
Wes grins brightly. “It’s the same thing!” The crazed CEO puts the gun away. “The point is that there will be a lot of guys in that ring. Plus a girl, I think. You’ll want to get her pregnant. That’s the first thing you have to accomplish.”
“Pregnant?!?!”
Wes puts a finger in Jimmy Winner’s face and gives him a stern glare. “Make her fall in love with you. Tell her she’s the only one… but don’t ever wear a rubber. Ever. You got that?”
He nods reluctantly. “Got it…”
“Good. Now, some of these people you know. Like that spiky haired guy who looks like mashed potatoes fucked Winnie the Pooh and then spent six months with his mouth at the tail end of a Krispy Kreme doughnuts conveyor belt. What’s his name?”
“… Hammerstein?”
Chubbman nods. “Yeah. Like a magician transformed a refrigerator box into a mud hog...”
“Jimmy’s seen Hammerstein in action. He’s a pretty damn good wrestler.”
Wes smacks Jimmy upside the head. “Did the vet spay you or something, kid?! Julian Cutlass beats the shit out of Hammerstein between breakfast and his mid-morning snack. You’re in the title scene now.”
Winner nods. His resolve strengthens. “Jimmy will do his best. Who else does Jimmy have to face?”
Chubbman gives him an annoyed look. “How the fuck should I know? For all I know, it could be a clown, an alien, and a one-armed man! This is your opportunity to make us all proud. Julian and Alex own the top two titles in Lion’s Road. Now is your time to finally bring some gold… into the fold… that fucking rhymed, so you know I’m serious.”
He nods and clinches a fist. Ever since he won that MMA match against Jeremy Squire his career had stalled. Winning a title from another company, putting some gold on his shoulder, that would go a long way into proving to Julian and Alex that he could compete.
“Jimmy’s gonna win. Jimmy’s a winner.”
Wes nods, slaps him lightly on the cheek.
“Lovely virgin man…”
The eccentric businessman leans in and whispers into his ear.
“Spread your seed.”
And on that note, Wes turns away and departs the gyms as quickly as he arrived. Jimmy stands with a grossed out look on his face and cannot help but think he fears a conversation with Wes Chubbman more than any opponent that would ever stand before him.
“Hey, shit-face! You wanna hold my cock?”
He drops the dumbbells and turns around to see Wes Chubbman – the mysterious benefactor of BLACK Lion’s Road – walking toward him with his hand cupped around the crotch region of his lime-green tracksuit. The pewter crucifix dangled around his neck as the balding businessman slouched toward him. Chubbman resembled a cross between Scarface and Larry David and now stood so close to him that Jimmy could see his own reflection in the crazed CEO’s aviator sunglasses.
A nervous Jimmy Winner shakes his head slowly. “No. Jimmy doesn’t want to do that.”
Wes grins sadistically. “That’s where you’re wrong, you walking, talking mental disorder.” The businessman nods his head several times. “After what I’m about to tell you, you’re gonna wanna play juggle-the-jewels with my nut-sack. I just got you booked in a title match.”
His jaw freezes his mouth open. “Really? A title match? Jimmy’s never fought in a title match before.”
“Well, my little virgin, this should be exciting for you. The businessman looks down at Winner’s gym shorts. “You didn’t just ejac– ”
“No!” Winner grimaces. “What belt does Jimmy get to fight for?”
Wes steps away, adjusts his crucifix. “Pollomania. The Scramble Championship. Los Angeles, baby. City of Angels. And gang warfare.”
“The Scramble, huh?”
Chubbman grabs him by the shoulders. “And speaking of gang warfare, that’s exactly what kind of match this is gonna be.” Chubbman reaches into his tracksuit and pulls out a Glock .45 caliber pistol. “You’re gonna need this, son.”
The frightened wrestler shakes his head. “But Jimmy doesn’t know how to use a gun!”
“Do you know how to use your cock?”
“Yes…”
Wes grins brightly. “It’s the same thing!” The crazed CEO puts the gun away. “The point is that there will be a lot of guys in that ring. Plus a girl, I think. You’ll want to get her pregnant. That’s the first thing you have to accomplish.”
“Pregnant?!?!”
Wes puts a finger in Jimmy Winner’s face and gives him a stern glare. “Make her fall in love with you. Tell her she’s the only one… but don’t ever wear a rubber. Ever. You got that?”
He nods reluctantly. “Got it…”
“Good. Now, some of these people you know. Like that spiky haired guy who looks like mashed potatoes fucked Winnie the Pooh and then spent six months with his mouth at the tail end of a Krispy Kreme doughnuts conveyor belt. What’s his name?”
“… Hammerstein?”
Chubbman nods. “Yeah. Like a magician transformed a refrigerator box into a mud hog...”
“Jimmy’s seen Hammerstein in action. He’s a pretty damn good wrestler.”
Wes smacks Jimmy upside the head. “Did the vet spay you or something, kid?! Julian Cutlass beats the shit out of Hammerstein between breakfast and his mid-morning snack. You’re in the title scene now.”
Winner nods. His resolve strengthens. “Jimmy will do his best. Who else does Jimmy have to face?”
Chubbman gives him an annoyed look. “How the fuck should I know? For all I know, it could be a clown, an alien, and a one-armed man! This is your opportunity to make us all proud. Julian and Alex own the top two titles in Lion’s Road. Now is your time to finally bring some gold… into the fold… that fucking rhymed, so you know I’m serious.”
He nods and clinches a fist. Ever since he won that MMA match against Jeremy Squire his career had stalled. Winning a title from another company, putting some gold on his shoulder, that would go a long way into proving to Julian and Alex that he could compete.
“Jimmy’s gonna win. Jimmy’s a winner.”
Wes nods, slaps him lightly on the cheek.
“Lovely virgin man…”
The eccentric businessman leans in and whispers into his ear.
“Spread your seed.”
And on that note, Wes turns away and departs the gyms as quickly as he arrived. Jimmy stands with a grossed out look on his face and cannot help but think he fears a conversation with Wes Chubbman more than any opponent that would ever stand before him.