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Post by ISM Office on Aug 11, 2015 15:53:03 GMT
We are met with an insane amount of pyro to begin the inaugural Pollomania event! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~!The giant egg on the stage cracks open and out emerge Super Pollo and his cousin, El Hijo de Pollo who are both dressed to the nines for this special occasion. As they climb out of the egg, the pyro is still going off and in all sorts of directions, so Hijo hits the deck and begins crawling down the ramp toward the ring while Soup is a bit less dramatic about the whole thing and just ducks every time there's an explosion (so every half second pretty much.) The pyro suddenly stops and both Pollos bolt upright as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The crowd roars with approval as Soup begins dusting off his cousin's suit while a stage hand runs up and gives a microphone to both men.SUPER POLLO: I... JESUS~!MORE PYRO! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~! BOOM~!This ain't Kofi Kingston and Evan Braun Bourne, it's just straight up pyrotechnic mayhem! Both Pollos have hit the deck as the stage hands are trying to figure out what's causing all this. Given that no one is going to hear anything either one is going to say over the pyro, let's cut to a video package...
We are back! Inside the ring is Mandarin, who can introduce himself...
MANDARIN: Lettuce try this again! Ladies and germs, I am the esteemed elitiest alien known as MAAANDAAARIIIN~! and I would like to welcome to the ring at this time the two finest chickens in all of professional wrestling... the owners, the promoters and your friend and also mine... EL HIJOOO DE POLLOOO and SUPEEERRR POLLOOO~!
Mandarin bows graciously before exiting the ring, Hijo and Soup step forward with microphones as the crowd begins quieting down again. Hijo keeps glancing back at the stage - perhaps he's developed PTSD from his encounter with the pyro?
SUPER POLLO: 'Ello! 'Ello!
EL HIJO DE POLLO: My name is... El Hijo de Pollo, but you already knew that.
Pop.
SUPER POLLO: And I am Super Pollo! You may remember us from such wrestling promotions as the constantly preempted Ring of Revolution, where we reigned supreme as the COCKS ON FOX~!
Some cheers.
EL HIJO DE POLLO: Or perhaps you remember us from Underground X!
Some dude yells "YEEEAAAHHH!" otherwise pure silence.
EL HIJO DE POLLO: Or more than likely, you remember my brother and I from our dominance of RAINBOW PRO~!
The crowd again pops, as Rainbow Pro's footage going viral two years after the promotion closed is what led to the Pollos becoming megastars.
SUPER POLLO: But you will definitely know us from our Bruno Sammartino-like reign as FAST FOOD KINGS~!
"POLL-O BUCK-ET!" chants.
SUPER POLLO: Let me tell you something, Jack in the Box. Reigning supreme in the fast food industry is great and all, but it is nothing compared to reigning supreme inside the squared circle....
EL HIJO DE POLLO: Of which we have plenty of experience!
SUPER POLLO: So we wanted to do both! Us Pollos didn't get anywhere just being happy with what we've got... no, no. We set goals, we reach our goals, we conquer our goals. We've won championships everywhere we've gone despite the odds being stacked against us.We've gone worldwide as a restaurant despite Ronald, the Colonel and the King all trying to suppress our delicious chicken into obscurity. There's just one itch we couldn't scratch though...
EL HIJO DE POLLO: We wanted to run our own promotion.
SUPER POLLO: We got the Pollo Bucket ship sailing smoothly out in the ocean, and since Cinco...
Soup points to the screen where a shot of Black Pollo V rocking a chef's hat and apron over top of his mask and wrestling gear in the kitchen is shown.
SUPER POLLO: ...was gracious enough to stay behind and man the restaurant so that Hijo and I could chase our dreams of running our own promotion.
EL HIJO DE POLLO: Not just any promotion though....
SUPER POLLO: Cinco was gracious enough to stay behind and be in charge of the Pollo Bucket while Hijo and I created...
BOTH: POLLOMANIA~!
SUPER POLLO: We've built our own venues! We've invited talent from all over the world! Known and unknown! And we're going to give them all an opportunity to prove themselves on an international scale!
EL HIJO DE POLLO: And whoever impresses us the mos---
The lights go out.
EL HIJO DE POLLO: What the hell is going on?
Lights go up and the crowd gasps.
EL HIJO DE POLLO: OH SH---
I shit you not, a small tribe of Bigfoots have surrounded the ring. The leader? grabs Hijo by the feet and pulls him out of the ring as Soup tries to grab him and prevent him from falling into the hands of these creatures. Two step up onto the apron to back Soup off so he does, then turns toward the entrance ramp to see two more guarding that side. They don't proceed on Soup at all though, they just carry Hijo off screaming and yelling. Soup stands helplessly watching his cousin as the lights go off again for a few moments, then turn back on to reveal Soup standing there by himself with no sign that the Bigfoots were even there. Soup goes through the ropes and sprints up the entrance ramp yelling and screaming for help. Let's go to a break.
Mandarin sits with his mouth wide open.
MANDARIN: I am at a lost for words, my human friends. We just saw an entire tribe of Bigfoots - apparently they are indeed real and they carted off Hijo de Pollo! Super Pollo has gone to find out what he can or do whatever a chicken can do in this case and let my very capable hands in charge of running this ship! So barring any last second interru--
??: My name is Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC, I'd like to you have a seat right over there.
MANDARIN: I am already seated!
CHRIS HANSEN: I am looking for a man named Chuckles the Clown. Obviously not his real name, but his alias.
MANDARIN: He does not work here! Did he not prove his innocence already, Mr. Chris Hansen?
CHRIS HANSEN: No, alien, he did not. Per the stipulations of our Falls Count Anywhere match in 2008, I had to leave him alone if I were to lose and unfortunately that was the case, but I have here in my papers the OFFICIAL RULES OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING~! which state that the statute of limitations on a stipulation can end after a five year period (or in some promotion's cases, only three months.) It has been seven years, and I've been diligently searching for this man since that five year period ended. My trail has gone cold. It is unlike a masked luchadore such as you---
MANDARIN: I AM AN ALIEN~!
CHRIS HANSEN: Have a seat right over there, alien. It is unlike a masked luchadore to simply vanish without a trace. So I've come to question the people he's been known to associate with or the people he has possibly associated himself with. I will question everyone on this roster until I find the man known as Chuckles the Clown...
With those parting words, Hansen wallops Mandarin with his stack of papers and proceeds to leave. Mandarin glares at the host of Dateline NBC and then back to the camera. MANDARIN: Unpleasant to say the very least! We will be back in uno momento with your main event!
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Post by ISM Office on Aug 11, 2015 15:55:18 GMT
MANDARIN: This is your MAIN EVENT~!
The crowd roars in anticipation.
MANDARIN: It is a Chicken Scramble match and is for the PLL Chicken Scramble Championship! Oh yes! The rules are simple! Upon the ringing of the bell, the first wrestler to score a pinfall or submission will be declared champion! However! The match will not end! Oh no! The match continues for the full twenty minutes! The title can change hands during the course of this match but only if the reigning champion is involved in the fall! Whomever is the champion at the end of the match will be declared the winner and definitive champion!
Europe's monster hit, "The Final Countdown" begins playing and the lights go down. The countdown begins and at 0:54, "The Best Breakfast in the World" Raisin Branielson emerges from the giant egg! He carries a grocery bag with him and stops halfway down the ramp, tossing out mini-boxes of his special brand of cereal to the fans before handing the bag off to a stage hand. He slowly walks down to the ring as the crowd sings along to his theme, climbing into the ring at 2:44 mark and runs up to the corner...
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN~!
Streamers fly into the ring as Branielson stands on the middle rope, arms in the air soaking it all in as ring attendants swiftly clean up the streamers. He hops down off the ropes and begins warming up as Prodigy's "Firestarter" interrupts and the lights begin alternating orange. Ravyn Firestorm walks out of the giant egg wearing dark flame proof glasses. She pauses for a moment on the ramp and smiles before removing her glasses, tossing them into the crowd and rushing down the length of the ramp. She baseball slides under the bottom rope, leaps up and plays to the crowd before removing her ring jacket as the lights cease flashing. Candlelight Red's cover of Roxette's "She's Got the Look" interrupts.
WALKING LIKE A MAN, HITTING LIKE A HAMMER SHE'S A JUVENILE SCAM, NEVER WAS A QUITTER TASTY LIKE A RAIN DROP SHE'S GOT THE LOOK~!
Lizzy Dalmon emerges from the giant egg with a giant mirror, holding it still as "Worth the Price of Admission" Jessica Buck comes strutting out. Lots of wolf whistles for the gal because... well, she's not wearing a heck of a lot. She strikes several poses before flexing, then motions for Athena - her female bodyguard. Athena stoically struts out and stands behind her client. Buck breaks her pose and spins around with her arms outstretched and bounces down to the ring. Jessica reaches the ring and snaps her fingers, Athena lifts Buck onto the rope where she lays out as Lizzy holds the mirror up to enjoy her reflection. Ravyn Firestorm rolls her eyes as Buck flips backwards into the ring, then poses, watching herself in the mirror until the lights go out.
IT'S DARK AND HELL IS HOT! AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN IT'S ON~!
DMX's cover of "Ain't No Sunshine" begins playing as the whole arena drops into a blue hue. The Iron Orca emerges from the depths of the sea, I guess, coming up on a stage riser. He walks slowly down the ring, taking his sweet time and swaying along to the beat of his music. Orca grabs the top rope and somersaults into the ring, Buck complains even more and Orca pie faces her! Athena gets into the ring and all hell breaks loose! Vic Mignogna's "Dragon Soul" interrupts DMX, which is odd to imagine. Al Nova emerges from the egg wearing his white headband, flowing in the wind as he swings and thrusts his fists in the air. Upon reaching the ring, he holds it in the air before leaping into the commotion!
"LET'S GO! BATTER UP! WE'RE TAKING THE AFTERNOON OFF!"
The fans immediately begin to rain down boos as the spotlights search the crowd for Socks Fetters. There! The spotlights find him near the top of the crowd. He stands up, makes a very '20s looking pose, grabs three baseball bats from somewhere, and makes a comical strut down through the crowd to the ringside area. There, he tries one of the bats, shakes his head, then tries another. He nods, practices his swing a couple of times, then slides into the ring with it. Finally, "E-Pro" by Beck hits and the lights go completely out (mostly because the Grin hasn't written an entrance yet and yeah). There's lots of commotion and then a scream as the lights come back on and reveal the Grin standing on the apron and Woody... well, Woody is face down in Jessica's good time glands.
MANDARIN: OH MY!
Jessica grabs Woody's inanimate head and pulls him out of Titty City, the expression etched on his face resembles ^_^ before he gets the tar slapped out of him and crumbles to the mat as gracefully as a 200lbs articulated wooden man can. The Grin tries to intervene, but the rest of the wrestlers gang up on the big man and back him into the corner, clobbering him with strikes from every which direction. Eventually, Branielson and Orca Irish whip him into the opposite corner and everyone takes turns performing moves on him! Nova rushes in with a crossbody splash! Fetters runs up and dropkicks him in the face! Orca and Branielson once again double team, as they each pick a side and begin chopping the hell out of the big man! Finally, Ravyn Firestorm charges in and gets teletubby'd across the ring as the Grin meets her halfway and angrily bops her with his stomach. Jessica Buck climbs up to the top rope, and Grin's uncanny ability to not be surprised proves to be worthwhile as he turns and catches her in mid-air. He looks poised to powerbomb her... but Orca, Nova, Branielson and Fetters all dropkick his back (honestly, two of them missed) and send him forward with enough momentum that Buck is able to successfully hurricanrana him! Everyone dog piles onto Grin for a cover...
1...
2...
GRIN THROWS EVERYONE OFF!
MANDARIN: Humans, I have no earthly idea who would have been declared champion in such an unorthodox pinning predicament!
The entire cast of the match stands circled around Grin as he rises to his feet. They draw their arms back, all looking to punch him but he ducks and everyone punches each other and in comical fashion, they all fall down and powder out except for Branielson. Branielson backs Grin into the ropes with several chops, then hits the same set of ropes before bouncing off the opposite side - he is coming in like a house of fire but crashes and burns when he gets blindsided by Grin, who clobbers the Best Breakfast in the World with Woody! Grin grabs Woody by the knees and begins slamming him up and down across the body of Branielson almost like a leather belt! The crowd oohs with every shot! Branielson rolls onto his back, and Grin uses Woody to give him the ol' Louisville Slam - which is basically a double leg spinebuster done to Woody onto the opponent! Woody remains on top, Popcorn Pollo jumps in to make the cover!
1...
...
2...
...
3!
MANDARIN: The first ever Scramble Champion is an inanimate 200lbs wooden man!?
Grin attempts to grab the title from a stage hand, but gets attacked by the rudo contingent of Orca and Buck, who clobber at the big man's back. Nova sneaks in and lifts Woody's arm once, cautiously... and when it falls back down to the ground - he covers!
1...
...
2...
EVERYONE dives on top of him to prevent an actual human being (sorry, Woody) from winning the belt. Fetters grabs Nova and slams his head off the turnbuckle, while Ravyn Firestorm remains down at ringside from being teletubby'd early on. Branielson has quite stirred yet, and Buck and Orca remain focused on Grin. Fetters grabs his bat, and clobbers Nova in the gut with the end of it and sends him out of the ring. He jumps on top of Woody!
1...
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2...
NO! Grin breaks up the pin with a stomp! Fetters powders out holding the back of his head, but the crowd murmurs and Popcorn Pollo soon realizes what they're on about and counts!
1...
...
2...
...
3!
MANDARIN: Really!? Socks Fetters' bat has just won the Scramble Championship from... Woody.
Indeed! Orca now has Grin in the corner, working his abdomen over with kicks while Buck quickly crawls on top of the bat! 1... 2... Broken up by Branielson! Fetters gets back in the ring to cover his own bat, but he gets broken up by Al Nova once again. Nova hits the ropes and comes back with a headscissors takedown that sends "El Roido" out of the ring! Nova calls upon two stage hands, who come in and hold the bat in place as he readies up his hand. Branielson tries to intervene, but eats a chop. Buck tries to intervene, but eats a chop! Nova then CHOPS THE BASEBALL BAT IN HALF! The whole crowd gasps, as the broken pieces fall to the mat and Al Nova... has won the title by TKO!
MANDARIN: OH MY DARAMMU~! That bat has a family!
Al Nova has everyone in the match converge on him for being champion, so he does the only wise thing and exits the ring and begins running down the entrance ramp. Everyone files out after him, even Grin who's got Woody over his shoulders in a fireman's carry. We cut to the back where Al Nova reaches the bottom of the stairs and tries the door, but it's locked! Jessica Buck appears at the top of the stairs and sees Al Nova is trapped, and SOARS down the stairs with a missile dropkick that knocks Nova into the door! She quickly covers him as the rest of the roster is coming down the stairs!
1...
...
2...
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3! Jessica Buck is now the champion! She grabs the belt and somehow slinks through the crowd coming down the stairs, gets to the top and whistles! The contingent looks up, she shakes her ass at them and they stare of course... then begin grumbling as they rush back up the stairs. Jessica is sprinting, the cameraman's drive to stay in front of her is clearly driven by her bounciness. There's a commotion behind the cameraman, as Woody somehow springs up from a laundry cart and scares the crap out of Buck, who superkicks him almost by instinct! The wooden man has no real defense for such a move, so he takes it... as you'd expect, and falls over the laundry cart (tipping it over and spill its contents out in the process). Buck tries a door and it opens to a long hallway. She hears a bell, and it's the MASKED HIPSTER~! riding in on his fixed gear bicycle maybe not fully aware of what he's riding into because social media is just too mainstream for him. Nonetheless, Jessica Buck superkicks him off his bike and steals it! She begins riding away as the rest of the members in the match get through the door way! They stop and converse amongst themselves...
MANDARIN: It seems like these five are trying to formulate a plan!
They charge down the hall, as the door opposite of Buck opens up and Socks Fetters rushes in with his bat. He swings for the fences, but Buck ducks it and Fetters clobbers Grin, who falls over and understandably so knocks everyone else down behind him in log jamming fashion. Fetters shrugs his shoulders and turns back around, as Buck dismounts the bike and heads through the door with Fetters not far behind! Buck opens a door and see Smalltooth Jones doing Yoga in a speedo. Gross. She closes it, and then tries another door... Woody is standing there smiling. She closes that one. Opens another, Woody is in that one too! What!? Buck tries another door and two Jehovah's Witnesses immediately pop out and begin their spiel on her. She brushes past them, as Fetters comes up on the Witnesses. They get in his way and allow Buck to create some distance between the two of them. She tries another door and finds a mirror room and admires herself briefly before closing it back up, she continues down this odd hallway that doesn't seem to exist for any reason except for this match (Teehee). She opens another door and finds the Bigfoots from earlier all sitting around playing Poker, El Hijo de Pollo's eyes widen and he begins shaking (as he's been restrained and gagged) and making noise. The Bigfoots begin to get up and Buck thinks better of it, and closes the door - only to get Superman Punched by Fetters! She falls down in a surprised heap, and he covers....
1...
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2...
...
3!
MANDARIN: Never hit a lady, Socks Fetters! Never mind a Superman punch - the Punch Out Pitch no less!
Fetters sees the mob of wrestlers behind him and rushes toward the entrance curtain, clicking the button to open the egg up. The egg only opens so far for whatever reason, and Fetters hits the button again... nothing happens. He hits it again... nothing. Third time's a charm, right? He hits it once more and it opens up wider so he proceeds. As he's walking through, he turns to raspberry his opponents as he hits the button again!
MANDARIN: OH NO!
Fetters' cockiness costs him as the egg closes on his ankle! The newly crowned Scramble champion is dangling by his ankle in the closed egg, screaming and yelling and eventually taps out! The egg almost instinctively opens up and allows Fetters to drop out onto the entrance ramp. Popcorn Pollo grabs the title and tries to think of a way to give it to the egg to hold onto. The angry wrestler mobs catches up and sees what's happened, and have all begun to try to figure out how to defeat their biggest foe yet (even bigger than Grin!). Grin makes the decision to stay on the locker room side of the egg, while the others are on the entrance ramp. They're all banging on the egg, trying to defeat it when Nova accidentally strikes Orca's hand. Orca slaps him across the face, sending him down to the ground and Branielson grabs Orca in a full nelson and TWO SCOOPS SUPLEXES him on the entrance ramp! Buck and Fetters (who are both still on Grin's side) get up and decide to double team him. They take turns utilizing double axe handles to double him over and in the process, hit the button to open the egg. It opens up, Grin goes through it to escape the attack as Branielson sneaks in and surveys the controls.
MANDARIN: What does a Breakfast know about technology!?
Nothing more than the average man, I suppose, as he begins mashing the button causing the egg to open and close making a violent jarring noise. Popcorn Pollo has seen enough! He gives the belt to Raisin Branielson, who beelines for the ring hearing there's only two minutes remaining. With Nova and Orca down on the entrance ramp, Firestorm out cold at ringside, and Buck/Fetters/Grin all battling down the entrance ramp, Branielson takes the express lane - hopping off the ramp and running down past them and sliding into the ring! As they make their way closer to the ring, Branielson bounces off the ropes but trips over... Woody!? Indeed, Woody trips him up simply by existing, man, and Branielson lands across the middle rope. Fetters gets tried of Buck ordering him around in their team up of attacking Grin, and eye rakes her. She responds with some wild, blinded slaps and they both tumble off the entrance ramp! Grin grabs Branielson in GRIN FANDANGO~! The Guillotine Choke applied, and Branielson is out! Popcorn Pollo lifts his arm three times and we have another new champion!
MANDARIN: He only has to last another minute! OH MY!
Grin notices Woody for the first time since coming back to ringside, but doesn't get too much time to consider him as Orca clobbers him from behind with one of Fetters' other two bats that haven't been broken yet. Grin goes over the top rope and into the ring with a thud, Woody bounces ever so slightly enough that his arm drapes across his friend and tag team partner (and current Scramble champion!) Nova catches up to Orca just as he's attempting to get in the ring, chops him, then hip tosses him! Orca gets right back up and eats a DDT! Popcorn Pollo hops into the ring and sees what I described a sentence or two ago, and sees the clock - 20 seconds! He drops down to count...
1...
...
2...
...
3! Nova tries to get in to break it up, but Orca grabs his foot! Nova dangles over the middle rope as Grin gets up, grabs Woody and stands guard as the time expires!
MANDARIN: OH MY! True friendship does exist! Woody - the Wooden Man - is our Scramble Champion!
Grin props Woody up in the corner and straps the belt around his waist and the crowd begins a loud "WOODY! WOODY! WOODY" chant. The wooden man's post-it note expression reveals a TEAR IN HIS EYE~! (thanks, Ric Flair). Grin and Woody soak in the adulation as the show comes to a close.
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Post by ISM Office on Aug 11, 2015 16:09:54 GMT
The broadcast is interrupted with a Max Headroom-style broadcast. The man in the scene? El Senor, Tatsu Pro's owner!
ES: Pardon the interruption! Congratulations on a great first show, but I have big late breaking news!
Senor adjusts his tie.
ES: Effective immediately, Tatsu Pro has been bought out by the Pollo Bucket restaurant and will be merged into POLLOMANIA~! to create one super lucha experience!
Senor smiles (I guess, he's wearing a mask!)
ES: We'll see you at Chewed Up!
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