Post by Los Pollos™ on Mar 1, 2016 12:17:03 GMT
Dear Captain’s log,
When I left my home planet of Fzorpon x-79b and travelled across the infinite vastness of the universe, exploring strange new worlds, discovering exotic life forms, destroying civilizations, I never in 13.799 ± 0.021 billion Earth-years would even imagine that the most vicious, dangerous, unforgiving place I’d come across would be on a tiny blue monkey-planet underneath a wrestling ring.
Whatever destructive force resides beyond the fabric veil of those ring aprons, has exploded yet another star in my sky. First it took Computer and now it has taken Mr. Crazy from me as well.
Just as I started to not hate him… Just as I find one redeeming quality about this planet, it finds a way to destroy him!
But as much as I miss that crazy monkey-man and his crazy monkey-antics, I guess maybe this is what I need. Now I have no more excuses to not conquer this stupid planet and make every single one of its inhabitants succumb to The Intergalactic Conqueror!
So that’s good, I guess.
But before I can do that I need to find a partner! Even if no human can replace Mr. Crazy, I need a human to replace Mr. Crazy. So therefore I will replace Mr. Crazy. With a human.
Who? Who could possibly replace the human half of Starship Insanity? Who could take the mantle of the lesser-evolved monkey-minion of The Great Zargnax? I asked myself this question many times, but the only answer I could arrive at was: no one.
But since I want to be able to conquer the Tag Grand Prix, any of these earth-apes will have to do.
So when Corinthian asked me for a favor, I accepted on the condition that he’d take Mr. Crazy’s place in the tournament. He agreed. The favor he asked was that I would use my ray gun to bring someone back from another dimension or something. Apparently he saw when it brought froth a version of Mr. Crazy from another dimension and thought that it was… well… intentional. So now I just have to pretend that I know what I’m doing and I will be able to conquer this whole tournament! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Our first match as a team might also be our last one. We have to win it to make it to the finals. Our opponents are Team HERO. As I understand it they are so-called “super heroes”. Defenders of Earth. This planet’s protectors of justice.
I have underestimated “super heroes” before. And if Mr. Crazy and I couldn’t beat two humans who are apparently not even real super heroes, how would I expect to beat two actual super heroes? And with a new partner that I haven’t even fought with before!
It seems like we are doomed to fail. But you know what? I have lost my entire crew. I am a Fzorpian with nothing left to lose. So at The Great Canadian Freeze, The Great Fzorpian Zargnax will do only one thing;
CONQUER!
When I left my home planet of Fzorpon x-79b and travelled across the infinite vastness of the universe, exploring strange new worlds, discovering exotic life forms, destroying civilizations, I never in 13.799 ± 0.021 billion Earth-years would even imagine that the most vicious, dangerous, unforgiving place I’d come across would be on a tiny blue monkey-planet underneath a wrestling ring.
Whatever destructive force resides beyond the fabric veil of those ring aprons, has exploded yet another star in my sky. First it took Computer and now it has taken Mr. Crazy from me as well.
Just as I started to not hate him… Just as I find one redeeming quality about this planet, it finds a way to destroy him!
But as much as I miss that crazy monkey-man and his crazy monkey-antics, I guess maybe this is what I need. Now I have no more excuses to not conquer this stupid planet and make every single one of its inhabitants succumb to The Intergalactic Conqueror!
So that’s good, I guess.
But before I can do that I need to find a partner! Even if no human can replace Mr. Crazy, I need a human to replace Mr. Crazy. So therefore I will replace Mr. Crazy. With a human.
Who? Who could possibly replace the human half of Starship Insanity? Who could take the mantle of the lesser-evolved monkey-minion of The Great Zargnax? I asked myself this question many times, but the only answer I could arrive at was: no one.
But since I want to be able to conquer the Tag Grand Prix, any of these earth-apes will have to do.
So when Corinthian asked me for a favor, I accepted on the condition that he’d take Mr. Crazy’s place in the tournament. He agreed. The favor he asked was that I would use my ray gun to bring someone back from another dimension or something. Apparently he saw when it brought froth a version of Mr. Crazy from another dimension and thought that it was… well… intentional. So now I just have to pretend that I know what I’m doing and I will be able to conquer this whole tournament! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Our first match as a team might also be our last one. We have to win it to make it to the finals. Our opponents are Team HERO. As I understand it they are so-called “super heroes”. Defenders of Earth. This planet’s protectors of justice.
I have underestimated “super heroes” before. And if Mr. Crazy and I couldn’t beat two humans who are apparently not even real super heroes, how would I expect to beat two actual super heroes? And with a new partner that I haven’t even fought with before!
It seems like we are doomed to fail. But you know what? I have lost my entire crew. I am a Fzorpian with nothing left to lose. So at The Great Canadian Freeze, The Great Fzorpian Zargnax will do only one thing;
CONQUER!