Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 18:23:14 GMT
The man in the black mask sticks a piece of tape to a locker door. Written in magic marker on the tape: “THE GRIN”. He then turns to the camera, points to the tape, and then to himself.
“I’m this one. Heh.”
The Grin then starts sticking another piece of tape that says “WOODY &” just above his tape, but then stops and shakes his head. He turns to a nearby bench, where we see a wooden dummy. The dummy is posed with a yellow notepad in its hand, a look of wide-eyed shock on its “face” (which is crudely drawn on using a Post-It note and a crayon).
“What’s got you farting splinters over there, buddy?”
The camera cuts back to Woody. His Post-It face has been replaced with a note that says “Homina homina homina”. The camera angle changes and we see that the notepad in Woody’s hand contains a crude drawing of a stick figure with big boobies.
The Grin leans on Woody’s shoulder and scratches his forehead.
“C’mon, at least connect to wifi first! Just because J-Buck’s worth the price of admission doesn’t make her worth the price of going over our data limit!”
The camera jump cuts, and the note on Woody’s face now looks annoyed. One more jump-cut, and we now see the notepad in Woody’s hand also has a wifi symbol drawn in the corner.
“Better. OK, so while you were lusting after her jiggly sweater-meats you big perv, I was listening to what she was saying. She thinks she’ll be a better fast-food spokesperson than a big guy in a bathrobe?! She thinks she can out-wrestle Japan’s greatest inanimate object champion?! She thinks Pollo Bucket only serves breakfast until 10:30AM?!”
The Grin shakes his head.
“Three strikes, booby-lady! Let me tell you about Woody and I, just so you know why you’ll be having wood-grained nightmares for the next year! Cunning… integrity… fair play… the love of a thousand audiences… Woody and I have overcome ALL these obstacles, to become the grimy beatdown kings you see before you!”
The camera cuts back to Woody, smiling and holding up some Pollo Bucket chicken. The food looks sexier than any ten Hardees Thickburgers combined. Then it cuts back to The Grin.
“Pollo Bucket is the product we were BORN and WHITTLED to endorse! We ARE the spirit of fast food, and we WILL represent! If you come into this match thinking you can slap the smile off MY face, then we’re gonna send you floating out of that ring, jubblies-first, on a river of gravy and tears!”
The camera cuts briefly to Woody’s note-face. On it is written “TESTIFY, MAH BRUTHA!” The camera then cuts back to The Grin.
“As for the rest of you… El “No-Va”, Iron Dork-a, Honey-Bunches-Of-Butthurt Branielson, the weird LARP-y named one, and ANYONE ELSE that thinks they’ll win… we got THREE WORDS FOR YOU…”
Cut to Woody. He has three words stuck to his face: “WE RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE”.
“I’m this one. Heh.”
The Grin then starts sticking another piece of tape that says “WOODY &” just above his tape, but then stops and shakes his head. He turns to a nearby bench, where we see a wooden dummy. The dummy is posed with a yellow notepad in its hand, a look of wide-eyed shock on its “face” (which is crudely drawn on using a Post-It note and a crayon).
“What’s got you farting splinters over there, buddy?”
The camera cuts back to Woody. His Post-It face has been replaced with a note that says “Homina homina homina”. The camera angle changes and we see that the notepad in Woody’s hand contains a crude drawing of a stick figure with big boobies.
The Grin leans on Woody’s shoulder and scratches his forehead.
“C’mon, at least connect to wifi first! Just because J-Buck’s worth the price of admission doesn’t make her worth the price of going over our data limit!”
The camera jump cuts, and the note on Woody’s face now looks annoyed. One more jump-cut, and we now see the notepad in Woody’s hand also has a wifi symbol drawn in the corner.
“Better. OK, so while you were lusting after her jiggly sweater-meats you big perv, I was listening to what she was saying. She thinks she’ll be a better fast-food spokesperson than a big guy in a bathrobe?! She thinks she can out-wrestle Japan’s greatest inanimate object champion?! She thinks Pollo Bucket only serves breakfast until 10:30AM?!”
The Grin shakes his head.
“Three strikes, booby-lady! Let me tell you about Woody and I, just so you know why you’ll be having wood-grained nightmares for the next year! Cunning… integrity… fair play… the love of a thousand audiences… Woody and I have overcome ALL these obstacles, to become the grimy beatdown kings you see before you!”
The camera cuts back to Woody, smiling and holding up some Pollo Bucket chicken. The food looks sexier than any ten Hardees Thickburgers combined. Then it cuts back to The Grin.
“Pollo Bucket is the product we were BORN and WHITTLED to endorse! We ARE the spirit of fast food, and we WILL represent! If you come into this match thinking you can slap the smile off MY face, then we’re gonna send you floating out of that ring, jubblies-first, on a river of gravy and tears!”
The camera cuts briefly to Woody’s note-face. On it is written “TESTIFY, MAH BRUTHA!” The camera then cuts back to The Grin.
“As for the rest of you… El “No-Va”, Iron Dork-a, Honey-Bunches-Of-Butthurt Branielson, the weird LARP-y named one, and ANYONE ELSE that thinks they’ll win… we got THREE WORDS FOR YOU…”
Cut to Woody. He has three words stuck to his face: “WE RESPECTFULLY DISAGREE”.