Tell Me Of The Muggings Of Your Homeworld, Muad-Dib...
Oct 8, 2015 21:27:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 21:27:22 GMT
“Go on, pussycat. TELL everyone.”
Grin is sitting in his shabby apartment, pouring brass tacks into a leather bag. Woody is next to him. There’s a crude drawing of a remote control taped to his hand. Woody appears to be watching a painting of a TV.
Grin speaks:
“C’mon, tough-stuff, what’s stopping you? Go ahead and tell all the nice people watching at home what you did after Tijuana Takedown. Tell them about the psychotic, inhumane things sore losers do when there’s no referees present and nothing stopping them. LET THE WORLD BEAR WITNESS TO CRUEL CANADIAN COWARDICE!”
Cut to Woody. His back is turned to the camera. There are four Canadian flags poking out of it. Grin continues:
“Tell them every excruciating detail, you furry freak. I want EVERYONE to hear, from YOUR mouth, the entire laundry list of tortures you laid on Woody and myself. I want everyone to know how much of your sadistic punishment I took. I want everyone to see what menacing monsters The Canadian Misfits are.”
Grin leans in. I swear, his smile just got wider. Is that even possible? He whispers:
“I want everyone to realize how, with your numbers advantage, no rules, every tool at your disposal, and the odds EVER in your favor… you STILL couldn’t get the job done.”
Cut to Woody. He’s dressed like Elton John, and his note face says “I’m still standing, better than I ever did.” Subtle. Grin speaks:
“You know why I stayed at the hospital? Turns out, while they were checking me over after the little shiatsu massage you turds gave me, they noticed I had an elevated white blood cell count. My hospital stay was because I had gall stones - that means MY OWN LIVER kicked my ass more harshly than you goons ever could! As for Woody, well…”
Cut to Woody. He’s got a drawing of a pill canister in one hand, and a drawing of a glass of water in the other. Grin speaks:
“Fair enough, he was a mess. He needed to be sanded and refinished over 40% of his body. You peanuts beat the hell out of him so badly, that the doctors say he’s only got about 100 or so more years to live. He has to look at drawings of painkillers twice a day, probably for the rest of his life. I think he might be a little angry about that.”
Cut to Woody, who is wearing a Super Saiyan wig. His note face has glowing eyes, and looks angry and determined. Grin speaks:
“You can dream all you want of somehow "seeing fear in my eyes", Jenga-Butts… but when wake-up time comes, the reality is simple: I will NEVER fear your cadre of cowards. Your mad laughter tells me that this dark dance shall continue until one of us can never smile again.”
Grin leans in so closely that everything goes dark. Only his wide grinning teeth are visible.
“And I NEVER stop smiling.”
(final count: 498 words, 4 Canadian flags, and only 100 more years of sappy jokes)
Grin is sitting in his shabby apartment, pouring brass tacks into a leather bag. Woody is next to him. There’s a crude drawing of a remote control taped to his hand. Woody appears to be watching a painting of a TV.
Grin speaks:
“C’mon, tough-stuff, what’s stopping you? Go ahead and tell all the nice people watching at home what you did after Tijuana Takedown. Tell them about the psychotic, inhumane things sore losers do when there’s no referees present and nothing stopping them. LET THE WORLD BEAR WITNESS TO CRUEL CANADIAN COWARDICE!”
Cut to Woody. His back is turned to the camera. There are four Canadian flags poking out of it. Grin continues:
“Tell them every excruciating detail, you furry freak. I want EVERYONE to hear, from YOUR mouth, the entire laundry list of tortures you laid on Woody and myself. I want everyone to know how much of your sadistic punishment I took. I want everyone to see what menacing monsters The Canadian Misfits are.”
Grin leans in. I swear, his smile just got wider. Is that even possible? He whispers:
“I want everyone to realize how, with your numbers advantage, no rules, every tool at your disposal, and the odds EVER in your favor… you STILL couldn’t get the job done.”
Cut to Woody. He’s dressed like Elton John, and his note face says “I’m still standing, better than I ever did.” Subtle. Grin speaks:
“You know why I stayed at the hospital? Turns out, while they were checking me over after the little shiatsu massage you turds gave me, they noticed I had an elevated white blood cell count. My hospital stay was because I had gall stones - that means MY OWN LIVER kicked my ass more harshly than you goons ever could! As for Woody, well…”
Cut to Woody. He’s got a drawing of a pill canister in one hand, and a drawing of a glass of water in the other. Grin speaks:
“Fair enough, he was a mess. He needed to be sanded and refinished over 40% of his body. You peanuts beat the hell out of him so badly, that the doctors say he’s only got about 100 or so more years to live. He has to look at drawings of painkillers twice a day, probably for the rest of his life. I think he might be a little angry about that.”
Cut to Woody, who is wearing a Super Saiyan wig. His note face has glowing eyes, and looks angry and determined. Grin speaks:
“You can dream all you want of somehow "seeing fear in my eyes", Jenga-Butts… but when wake-up time comes, the reality is simple: I will NEVER fear your cadre of cowards. Your mad laughter tells me that this dark dance shall continue until one of us can never smile again.”
Grin leans in so closely that everything goes dark. Only his wide grinning teeth are visible.
“And I NEVER stop smiling.”
(final count: 498 words, 4 Canadian flags, and only 100 more years of sappy jokes)