Post by Eddie Ellis on Sept 13, 2015 4:34:06 GMT
EARTH’S MIGHTIEST MYTHS UNITE
Two weeks ago… in the Sierra Madre Oriental Mountains… at midnight.
We open up to what looks like a scene out of Breaking Bad – a Winnebago and two idiots in the desert. As Hijo inhales from his bong, Bigfoot Jr. roasts marshmallows over a bonfire. His stature is so tiny that his legs dangle from the lawn chair.
Tied to the rear bumper of the Winnebago are a dozen sheep. A net dangles above them.
Back at the bonfire – the boys are sitting in an awkward silence. We get the sense that Hijo has had about all that he can take of Bigfoot Jr.
“Mistah Pollo – what’s it like to wrestle?”
“You ever fucked a warm Twinkie fresh out of the microwave?”
Bigfoot Jr. attempts to shake off the image of Hijo penetrating a snack cake and moves on with the conversation.
“Mistah Pollo – you think they are going to hurt meh?”
Hijo puts down the bong – shits about to get real.
“You know what? For one of the most feared creatures in the world you are one of the biggest pussies I’ve ever met. Why your father has placed the future of the Sasquatch in your hands will baffle me until the end of time.”
For once in his life, Bigfoot Jr. feels smaller than he already is.
“I just want Father Bigfoot to be proud of me, Mistah Pollo.”
A silence fills the vacuum as Hijo realizes that he too is on a journey to make his father proud.
“Look… Bigfoot…”
El Pollo’s voice plagues Hijo’s mind.
“You are lucha.”
“… I too have a papa I’m trying to do right by. And by Pollo God, we are going to make our daddies proud.”
A near teary-eyed Bigfoot smiles for the first time since embarking on this wrestling journey with Hijo. The two sons share a moment – they really aren’t all that dissimilar.
BEEEP…. BEEEP.
Hijo’s phone alarm abruptly brings the two back. The Sasquatch and the cock put out the fire and scurry into the Winnebago. Pollo locks the door and kills every light illuminating from within the vehicle. The two stare out the window at the sheep.
One by one the sheep are ripped apart leaving behind bloody organs and separated limbs. As planned, the net trap falls on the predator.
EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK. EEEK.
Hijo rushes outside and shines a flashlight on his prize – THE CHUPACABRA. The Mexican myth’s jagged teeth snap at Mr. Pollo. Hijo calmly gets down to eye level.
“How about one last tango in the ring… old friend?”
With the voice of a suburban white dude named Phil.
“[Still snapping] YOU…AND ME… PU CHAMPIO-“
“No – together as one. Parts Unknown versus the world. For glory.”
“I’D KILL YOU IF I HAD THE CHANCE, POLLO.”
Mysteriously, the net tears and The Chupcabra leaps towards Hijo. Bigfoot Jr. catches Chupa by the throat, saving the chicken man.
“I reckon you join us, Mistah Chupa.”
“[Choking] I’m…. in.”
THE END
Two weeks ago… in the Sierra Madre Oriental Mountains… at midnight.
We open up to what looks like a scene out of Breaking Bad – a Winnebago and two idiots in the desert. As Hijo inhales from his bong, Bigfoot Jr. roasts marshmallows over a bonfire. His stature is so tiny that his legs dangle from the lawn chair.
Tied to the rear bumper of the Winnebago are a dozen sheep. A net dangles above them.
Back at the bonfire – the boys are sitting in an awkward silence. We get the sense that Hijo has had about all that he can take of Bigfoot Jr.
“Mistah Pollo – what’s it like to wrestle?”
“You ever fucked a warm Twinkie fresh out of the microwave?”
Bigfoot Jr. attempts to shake off the image of Hijo penetrating a snack cake and moves on with the conversation.
“Mistah Pollo – you think they are going to hurt meh?”
Hijo puts down the bong – shits about to get real.
“You know what? For one of the most feared creatures in the world you are one of the biggest pussies I’ve ever met. Why your father has placed the future of the Sasquatch in your hands will baffle me until the end of time.”
For once in his life, Bigfoot Jr. feels smaller than he already is.
“I just want Father Bigfoot to be proud of me, Mistah Pollo.”
A silence fills the vacuum as Hijo realizes that he too is on a journey to make his father proud.
“Look… Bigfoot…”
El Pollo’s voice plagues Hijo’s mind.
“You are lucha.”
“… I too have a papa I’m trying to do right by. And by Pollo God, we are going to make our daddies proud.”
A near teary-eyed Bigfoot smiles for the first time since embarking on this wrestling journey with Hijo. The two sons share a moment – they really aren’t all that dissimilar.
BEEEP…. BEEEP.
Hijo’s phone alarm abruptly brings the two back. The Sasquatch and the cock put out the fire and scurry into the Winnebago. Pollo locks the door and kills every light illuminating from within the vehicle. The two stare out the window at the sheep.
One by one the sheep are ripped apart leaving behind bloody organs and separated limbs. As planned, the net trap falls on the predator.
EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK. EEEK.
Hijo rushes outside and shines a flashlight on his prize – THE CHUPACABRA. The Mexican myth’s jagged teeth snap at Mr. Pollo. Hijo calmly gets down to eye level.
“How about one last tango in the ring… old friend?”
With the voice of a suburban white dude named Phil.
“[Still snapping] YOU…AND ME… PU CHAMPIO-“
“No – together as one. Parts Unknown versus the world. For glory.”
“I’D KILL YOU IF I HAD THE CHANCE, POLLO.”
Mysteriously, the net tears and The Chupcabra leaps towards Hijo. Bigfoot Jr. catches Chupa by the throat, saving the chicken man.
“I reckon you join us, Mistah Chupa.”
“[Choking] I’m…. in.”
THE END