Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 16:48:37 GMT
It's a terrible close up of the Supremo Champion. You would think with such a title to your name your budget would stretch a little more than an outdated cell phone. Sadly that's all we've got here.
"I tapped. You got pinned. The animalites need a decider Larry. They need a champion to stand above and beyond the rest. People said I just didn't understand you. Believe me I spent a long time trying to understand you Larry. I built a time machine, read books about the Santa Monica pier but I think I understand now. None of that was relevant. We, as humans, are more like chimps than most people care to understand. Even you, Larry. Even I. Good for me that I know all there is to know."
"We share all but 1.4% of our DNA with chimps. Whether you're from the 1920s or the 2120s, you're a human being. Human beings, unlike most animals, are very predictable. Humans like routine and I know at some point this week you're going to try and submit me with the Time Bender after throwing me down with the Sangeslam. I'm ready for it friend. The animalites are ready for it. How do you beat a man who knows what you're going to do next? Change routine? Sure. But you won't. You're a human being. Humans hate change."
"Now that pose you do, the one with your arms tucked into your waist to flex your rather large muscles. Chimps do that too. Communicate with gestures, facial expressions or poses. A chimp's senses of sight, taste and sound are completely identical to ours. Their body temperatures are the same at 98.6 degrees. They have the same blood types as us. The same emotions. The same feelings. They might not be able to talk but they have the brain capacity to learn sign language. They kiss and touch each other for comfort, use herbal plants to self-medicate themselves and god damnit they make tools to get certain jobs done."
"So all that time I spent trying to understand you Larry, trying to figure out how to beat you... I've always known. You beat me because I had to fight 3 matches in one night. You couldn't do it 1 on 1. Milo couldn't do it 1 on 1. It's not going to be a different story this week."
"Now you're a real gentleman Larry. You showed class and shook my hand on both occasions. It's took me a long time to find something I'm good at Larry. I've never kissed a girl, I've never had any people friends and lord knows everybody's doubted me all my life. But look at me Larry, I'm the best zookeeper in the US. I drive the ultimate zoomobile. I am the high flying, chimp bombing luchador of Pollomania, the Supremo Champion. I can't let you take that from me. I won't let you take that from me. No way friend."