Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2015 15:37:05 GMT
"Oooh"
"Aaah"
Not a chimp. Not yet. It's the sounds of Sharapova like grunting as people scurry around a small court and hit a ball over a net. There are a small crowd of people sipping beers in the midday sun as the current four competitors finish their rallies.
"You ready, Dex?"
At the side of the improvised sand court Willie stands holding his chimp's hand, his eyes shifting from the Volleyball event and the nearby hotdog stand.
"Our final round one match. Can Amelia and Rose, Willie and Dexter make their way to the court."
The voice comes from the events staff and similar to be before, the stereotypical 8 pack of abs applies. Nothing stopped Willie from throwing his vest off and marching to the court, though. He takes Dexter's shades and flip flops and puts them, along with his sweat soaked vest next to the nets. There's an immediate aura of awe though, partially because people are watching a very disciplined chimp about to play Volleyball, but mostly because Amelia and Rose, their opponents, are fucking gorgeous. Strapless bikinis, long blonde locks and light brown tans.
"Shhh.... Sugarcanes!"
Willie immediately covers his nipples with his hands as his jaw smacks the floor. What may be more concerning is Dexter, symmetrical to his master, covers his primitive chest.
"Best of 3 points for round one. Ladies serve."
The event staff rolls the ball to the ladies who are stirring up quite a fuss with the crowd. Men gaze at them like there's no tomorrow whilst their partners insult everything about their sex life.
"We are but men, ROCK!"
Now for those who are familiar with Tenacious D ripping their t-shirts off during the video of Tribute people would understand Willie's intentions as he reveals his god awful figure. Unfortunately, Dexter is a chimp and hasn't seen such a video. The whole thing is very awkward.
But nevertheless off they go. Round one. Dexter, extremely mobile naturally swings his way up the net and with such tremendous grip stands in the middle to intercept the serve from the ladies. Sadly Dexter doesn't quite know the rules of Volleyball though and on two occasions catches the ball and proceeds to swing around like a total nutcase. It's soon evident Willie and Dexter won't be progressing to round two. As the event staff jot the results down on their scorecards and announce their round two matches Willie is always walking back, completely dejected, his chimp knowing none the better strolling behind.
"You always mess something up. Come on Dex."
Willie holds his hand out as he has to shame himself and walk past the hotdog stall penniless. Rather than going hand in hand, Dexter hands Willie a hotdog to his sheer delight. Looking back it's obvious Dexter has innocently taken one. He's a chimp though. He can pull it off. To avoid a lady and the tramp moment we should probably end it there.