Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2015 18:50:32 GMT
“I’d like to lodge a formal complaint and ask for a refund!”
The Grin is speaking on a cellphone with one hand, and has his arm around Woody’s shoulder with the other. Woody has his face buried in his hands. Cut back to Grin, who addresses the person he is speaking to:
“Yeah, this is about my associate, Woody. In addition to being my good pal AND the current Pollomania Scramble Champion, he is also a member of your ‘Ashwood Mapleton’ dating site. He joined because he was promised that your services were both discreet AND safe, but--”
Grin stops and nods a few times. Woody continues staring into the insides of his palms. Grin suddenly looks confused.
“...waitwaitwait, for real?! You guys got HACKED?!”
Another pause. Grin shakes his head and responds:
“No, I didn’t even KNOW about the hack, and now that I do, I don’t care! The hacking risk is why Woody used Buxx Von Teeze’s address and credit card to set up the account in the first place! No, I’m complaining about the actual dangers to Woody’s privacy and safety! To wit: HIS LAST DATE GAVE HIM TERMITES AND NOW EVERYONE’S GONNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!”
More pause. More shaking. Grin answers:
“Well of COURSE everyone’s gonna know about it, it got mentioned in a promotional video for his upcoming trios match at Pollomania’s Chewed Up! He’s a very popular wooden wrestler and this could potentially damage his career! He--”
Pause. Nod.
“Well if you MUST pry, it hasn’t aired yet. We’re actually taping it right now.”
Woody is still burying his face in his hands. Grin sighs and shrugs.
“Look, don’t tell me how to do MY job, since clearly you can barely do yours! Now just give me a refund or I’ll take you to court!”
After a few seconds…
“THANK YOU! Now when should I expect to see that refund check?”
Pause. Suddenly Grin looks very sheepish.
“Oh, right. Heh. I guess it does make sense that Buxx Von Teeze will get the refund. Well, fair play to him. He’ll probably need some sort of consolation prize after Woody leaves him broken, confuzzled, and coated in termites. OK then, thanks for nothing I guess.”
The Grin then turns to Woody and points, explaining:
“See, Woody? THIS is why we wear condoms.”
The scene cuts to Woody standing up straight,with a big frown drawn on his note-face. One of Woody’s hands is raised and has the number “2” taped to it. The Grin’s head jumps, as if surprised, and he replies with:
“TWO condoms? OK, that’s a little excessive, but if you were wearing two condoms, then how did you still… get… oh, okay, y’know what, never mind, sorry, none of my business...”
The camera cuts to Woody from behind. We now see that Woody is wearing “El Presidente De Los Estados Unidos” Underoos. We see a couple of termites crawl out of a small hole in the butt area.
(final count: 496 words, 6 butt-termites, and 2 fingers firmly on the pulse of current events)
The Grin is speaking on a cellphone with one hand, and has his arm around Woody’s shoulder with the other. Woody has his face buried in his hands. Cut back to Grin, who addresses the person he is speaking to:
“Yeah, this is about my associate, Woody. In addition to being my good pal AND the current Pollomania Scramble Champion, he is also a member of your ‘Ashwood Mapleton’ dating site. He joined because he was promised that your services were both discreet AND safe, but--”
Grin stops and nods a few times. Woody continues staring into the insides of his palms. Grin suddenly looks confused.
“...waitwaitwait, for real?! You guys got HACKED?!”
Another pause. Grin shakes his head and responds:
“No, I didn’t even KNOW about the hack, and now that I do, I don’t care! The hacking risk is why Woody used Buxx Von Teeze’s address and credit card to set up the account in the first place! No, I’m complaining about the actual dangers to Woody’s privacy and safety! To wit: HIS LAST DATE GAVE HIM TERMITES AND NOW EVERYONE’S GONNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!”
More pause. More shaking. Grin answers:
“Well of COURSE everyone’s gonna know about it, it got mentioned in a promotional video for his upcoming trios match at Pollomania’s Chewed Up! He’s a very popular wooden wrestler and this could potentially damage his career! He--”
Pause. Nod.
“Well if you MUST pry, it hasn’t aired yet. We’re actually taping it right now.”
Woody is still burying his face in his hands. Grin sighs and shrugs.
“Look, don’t tell me how to do MY job, since clearly you can barely do yours! Now just give me a refund or I’ll take you to court!”
After a few seconds…
“THANK YOU! Now when should I expect to see that refund check?”
Pause. Suddenly Grin looks very sheepish.
“Oh, right. Heh. I guess it does make sense that Buxx Von Teeze will get the refund. Well, fair play to him. He’ll probably need some sort of consolation prize after Woody leaves him broken, confuzzled, and coated in termites. OK then, thanks for nothing I guess.”
The Grin then turns to Woody and points, explaining:
“See, Woody? THIS is why we wear condoms.”
The scene cuts to Woody standing up straight,with a big frown drawn on his note-face. One of Woody’s hands is raised and has the number “2” taped to it. The Grin’s head jumps, as if surprised, and he replies with:
“TWO condoms? OK, that’s a little excessive, but if you were wearing two condoms, then how did you still… get… oh, okay, y’know what, never mind, sorry, none of my business...”
The camera cuts to Woody from behind. We now see that Woody is wearing “El Presidente De Los Estados Unidos” Underoos. We see a couple of termites crawl out of a small hole in the butt area.
(final count: 496 words, 6 butt-termites, and 2 fingers firmly on the pulse of current events)