Post by ISM Office on Aug 22, 2015 9:10:28 GMT
DEAR OTHER SPECIES
MY FRIENDS FAMILY AND I HAVE ALL TRIED OUR VERY BEST TO EXIST PEACEFULLY ALONGSIDE OF YOU
PARTS UNKNOWN IS A QUAINT ESCAPE AND WE WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY
DESPITE OUR BEST EFFORTS YOU TRY YOUR BEST TO PRY INTO OUR BUSINESS
WE HAVE LET THAT SLIDE NUMEROUS TIMES
WE EVEN DISREGARDED THE SEVERAL INSTANCES WHERE YOU ALLOWED AMANDA BYNES TO WANDER INTO PARTS UNKNOWN
SHE LEFT MANY TERRIBLE MESSES
SO BAD THAT IT FORCED US TO MOVE OUR CITY SEVERAL HUNDRED MILES NORTH TO ESCAPE THE STENCH
CONTRARY TO YOUR BELIEFS AND "TELEVISION" SHOWS WE ARE VERY CIVILIZED
WE HAVE WITNESSED YOUR ATROCITIES AND HAVE DONE OUR BEST TO ENSURE SUCH DOES NOT HAPPEN TO US
STOP TRYING TO FIND US
YOU WILL NOT
ONE THING DID
SON OF CHICKEN
HE SEEMED KIND AT FIRST
VERY CHARMING INDIVIDUAL
LOUD AND A BIT WEIRD
BUT THAT IS A LOT OF US
WE CURED HIS ILLNESS
AND THEN HE BEGAN WORKING FOR US
PARTS UNKNOWN WRESTLING
PU
HE TURNED AN INNOCENT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH INTO A SHAM
HE TOSSED A FIREBALL
SOMETHING THAT IS EVEN ILLEGAL IN YOUR PLACE
INTO THE EYES OF THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
AND WON OUR CHAMPIONSHIP
THEN HE HID
WHEN CONFRONTED ALMOST A MONTH LATER
HE KICKED OUR BEST WRESTLER IN THE GROIN AND FLED
DUE TO THE COMPLICATED NATURE OF OUR SPECIES' RELATIONSHIP
WE COULD NOT JUST GO AFTER HIM
THAT WOULD BE ILL ADVISED
SO WE WAITED AND WAITED
THEN POLLOMANIA HAPPENED
AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING
GOVERNS ITS OWN LAWS AND RULES REGARDING CRYPTIDS AND INTERPLANETARY RELATIONS
SO WE MADE OUR MOVE AND CAPTURED HIM
WE BROUGHT HIM BACK TO PARTS UNKNOWN WHERE HE WILL STAND TRIAL
OUR HUMBLE PRESIDENT
WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION