Post by Los Pollos™ on Jan 22, 2016 13:19:56 GMT
Dear Captain’s log,
It seems redundant for me to ask this question yet again, but it is still so prominent in my mind that I can’t resist – when did conquering planets become so complicated?
When I arrived on this blue little insignificant sphere in the outskirts of the Milky Way, a young starry-eyed space conqueror, I only wanted one thing – one simple little thing; to claim this entire planet and its inhabitants as mine. Maybe also make them build a giant monument out of pure gold in my honor. But I soon found out that it would be a little more difficult than I expected…
Now here I am, with the entire planet of Canadia’s embassy after me. I wasn’t aiming for the red human, it wasn’t my fault! Perhaps my days are numbered. Perhaps my planetary conquest has to come to an abrupt end, before my existence does.
Or perhaps not.
Because even with all of this in mind, I actually don’t feel as bad as I probably should. I’m not scared, I’m not anxious and I’m not worried. That’s the old me! As Pollomania enters a new season, so shall I! Because that bang that burnt the tiger human’s face, wasn’t no ordinary bang. No, you see, that was a big bang! A new beginning! A sudden event that sets all of the atoms and quozons in motion to create something new! Not literally of course, I mean more like… You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you! You’re just a non-sentient information-recording device! And I’m just writing in you to express myself, no one’s gonna read this.
The point is that I have evolved! I have changed! I have evolved into a strong, confident Fzorpian! I’m not sure even sure why. Maybe it’s something I’ve eaten. Or maybe it’s because I have a new tag team partner and the despite the fact that I consider him an inferior life form, I have a strange sense of not feeling bad when I’m around him. Maybe he’s the first being in this universe that I can call a friend.
No, that’s stupid! He’s a human after all... But it doesn’t matter why I feel good! You don’t question evolution! Do you think the Gableebians of Alpha-Phax 7 would’ve invented the Reverse Lunar Power Engine if they had questioned why evolution gave them three arms, five heads but only one brain? No! Probably not! I don’t know. I’m just guessing.
But the point that I am still trying to make, is that once I come face-to-face with those ambassadorial savages, I shall not back down, I shall not cower… I shall merely do one thing;
CONQUER!
Anyway, I have to go now. Me and Mr Crazy are going to meet up and discuss some tag team business. I hope we will discuss matching team attires! I've been wanting to 'pimp up' my exo-suit for a while now!
When did conquering planets become so fun?
It seems redundant for me to ask this question yet again, but it is still so prominent in my mind that I can’t resist – when did conquering planets become so complicated?
When I arrived on this blue little insignificant sphere in the outskirts of the Milky Way, a young starry-eyed space conqueror, I only wanted one thing – one simple little thing; to claim this entire planet and its inhabitants as mine. Maybe also make them build a giant monument out of pure gold in my honor. But I soon found out that it would be a little more difficult than I expected…
Now here I am, with the entire planet of Canadia’s embassy after me. I wasn’t aiming for the red human, it wasn’t my fault! Perhaps my days are numbered. Perhaps my planetary conquest has to come to an abrupt end, before my existence does.
Or perhaps not.
Because even with all of this in mind, I actually don’t feel as bad as I probably should. I’m not scared, I’m not anxious and I’m not worried. That’s the old me! As Pollomania enters a new season, so shall I! Because that bang that burnt the tiger human’s face, wasn’t no ordinary bang. No, you see, that was a big bang! A new beginning! A sudden event that sets all of the atoms and quozons in motion to create something new! Not literally of course, I mean more like… You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you! You’re just a non-sentient information-recording device! And I’m just writing in you to express myself, no one’s gonna read this.
The point is that I have evolved! I have changed! I have evolved into a strong, confident Fzorpian! I’m not sure even sure why. Maybe it’s something I’ve eaten. Or maybe it’s because I have a new tag team partner and the despite the fact that I consider him an inferior life form, I have a strange sense of not feeling bad when I’m around him. Maybe he’s the first being in this universe that I can call a friend.
No, that’s stupid! He’s a human after all... But it doesn’t matter why I feel good! You don’t question evolution! Do you think the Gableebians of Alpha-Phax 7 would’ve invented the Reverse Lunar Power Engine if they had questioned why evolution gave them three arms, five heads but only one brain? No! Probably not! I don’t know. I’m just guessing.
But the point that I am still trying to make, is that once I come face-to-face with those ambassadorial savages, I shall not back down, I shall not cower… I shall merely do one thing;
CONQUER!
Anyway, I have to go now. Me and Mr Crazy are going to meet up and discuss some tag team business. I hope we will discuss matching team attires! I've been wanting to 'pimp up' my exo-suit for a while now!
When did conquering planets become so fun?