Post by Buck U Productions on Jan 20, 2016 21:22:57 GMT
From the desk of Agent Brutus Smith of the Canadian Embassy in Mexico.
Greetings Pollomaniac!
With Pollomania’s season two premiere close at hand it’s come time for me to address my upcoming match with my tag team partner, Holly Guacamole. On January 27, 2016, in Manhattan, New York, my young associate and I face off against the combination of Mr. Crazy and Zargnax, known collectively as “Starship Insanity”.
Mr. Crazy has apparently been running his month, which comes as no surprise of course. He has referred to my partner as a “psycho-bitch”, which to her credit, she has chosen to accept, wearing it like a badge of honor. Unfortunately, “The Mad Gaijin” has also chosen to attack me as well by calling me an “autistic thug” and suggested that I am mentally challenged simple because all of you Americans can’t understand what I’m saying. Not that I’m surprised by this verbal assaults or by his decision to stand by Zargnax, when it’s clear to everyone else that the alien’s days are numbered. Mr. Crazy, I would say that I admire your moxy, if it wasn’t for the fact that you are clearly the most insane member of Pollomania’s roster, which tells you a lot.
Mr. Crazy, have you ever heard the expression “don’t throw stones at a man with a machine gun”? Of course it was a Canadian who first uttered it, which seems apropos considering the situation. Crazy, I’m seven feet tall and weigh over four hundred pounds. I have been wrestling longer than your parents have been alive and I’ve seen too many of your kind come and go, their lives almost always burning out like a falling star. Foolish child! Your taunts amuse me but I wonder if you will find the humor in them when I’m crushing your skull in my bare hands? Make no mistake, you will not be walking out of “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” unscathed, if you walk out of the match at all.
Zargnax, this brings me to you. Would you be surprised to know that I’ve met your kind before? Do you think that you are the first of your species to try to invade this planet? I have been around to witness many strange and bizarre things. Your kind are weak, pathetic, and while I’ve only met a hand full of your species, you are by far the weakest I have ever met. It is no wonder why you let us down so greatly back at “So It’s Come to This”. If it wasn’t for the fact that you injured my captain, El Tigre de Jengibre, I would dismiss you for the piece of green goo that you are. Mark my words, if Holly doesn’t smash your head in with her hockey stick first, I will certainly take great pleasure crushing your abdomen because I know how weak your kind are there.
Crazy, Zargnax, prepare to suffer at the hands of the Embassy.
Sincerely,
Agent Brutus Smith
(500 words)
Greetings Pollomaniac!
With Pollomania’s season two premiere close at hand it’s come time for me to address my upcoming match with my tag team partner, Holly Guacamole. On January 27, 2016, in Manhattan, New York, my young associate and I face off against the combination of Mr. Crazy and Zargnax, known collectively as “Starship Insanity”.
Mr. Crazy has apparently been running his month, which comes as no surprise of course. He has referred to my partner as a “psycho-bitch”, which to her credit, she has chosen to accept, wearing it like a badge of honor. Unfortunately, “The Mad Gaijin” has also chosen to attack me as well by calling me an “autistic thug” and suggested that I am mentally challenged simple because all of you Americans can’t understand what I’m saying. Not that I’m surprised by this verbal assaults or by his decision to stand by Zargnax, when it’s clear to everyone else that the alien’s days are numbered. Mr. Crazy, I would say that I admire your moxy, if it wasn’t for the fact that you are clearly the most insane member of Pollomania’s roster, which tells you a lot.
Mr. Crazy, have you ever heard the expression “don’t throw stones at a man with a machine gun”? Of course it was a Canadian who first uttered it, which seems apropos considering the situation. Crazy, I’m seven feet tall and weigh over four hundred pounds. I have been wrestling longer than your parents have been alive and I’ve seen too many of your kind come and go, their lives almost always burning out like a falling star. Foolish child! Your taunts amuse me but I wonder if you will find the humor in them when I’m crushing your skull in my bare hands? Make no mistake, you will not be walking out of “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?” unscathed, if you walk out of the match at all.
Zargnax, this brings me to you. Would you be surprised to know that I’ve met your kind before? Do you think that you are the first of your species to try to invade this planet? I have been around to witness many strange and bizarre things. Your kind are weak, pathetic, and while I’ve only met a hand full of your species, you are by far the weakest I have ever met. It is no wonder why you let us down so greatly back at “So It’s Come to This”. If it wasn’t for the fact that you injured my captain, El Tigre de Jengibre, I would dismiss you for the piece of green goo that you are. Mark my words, if Holly doesn’t smash your head in with her hockey stick first, I will certainly take great pleasure crushing your abdomen because I know how weak your kind are there.
Crazy, Zargnax, prepare to suffer at the hands of the Embassy.
Sincerely,
Agent Brutus Smith
(500 words)