Holly's Just Somebody That I Used To Know
Nov 16, 2015 5:56:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 5:56:10 GMT
The following is narrated by someone doing a VERY good impression of Morgan Freeman. So, read it in his voice:
"Dearest Holly..."
Slow fade in. The camera pans slowly on a picture of Holly Guacamole, posing seductively. There’s a heart drawn around here. Slow violin music begins playing.
"It is with sadness and regret that I must put into words what we have known for too long."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly straddling Woody on a chair. Her hands are all over Woody.
"Though my body mourns the loss of your fingernails, firm and playful as they rake the varnish from my chest... Though my eyes weep bittersweet liquids, sad that your rose-petal lips shall never kiss them away... Ye, though my very roots grow stiff with desire for your mammal’s warmth... It is time to face facts - this relationship will never work.."
Camera fades to a picture of Woody knocking Holly into a pit of gravy.
"I have tried, as gentlemen should, to let you down easily. Through subtle hints, I have made every earnest attempt to protect your feelings and save your reputation. However, your recent actions demand a more... direct approach."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly, forcing herself onto Woody in the desert.
"So, here is why we must move on... You are a psychopath, a murderer of tree folk, and - let's be honest - a rapist. And while a tree-person like myself could eventually see past all that, the fact remains…”
Fade to black.
"...you are a child, and will never grow up."
Fade from black, to a picture of Holly attacking wooden mannequins dressed like Owlman, El Vainillo, and The Grin. Her teeth, gritting, as she swings a hockey stick.
"As I watch you prepare for this match, I see the wisdom of children. You brandish weapons you'll have no access to. You rehearse techniques that will disqualify you. You express emotions that will blind you. You spar with partners that don't challenge you."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly, packing a care package for Woody & The Grin. She is lovingly placing a bottle of wood polish in the box.
"I adore you in ways no tree has ever adored a human before. But I cannot give my love to fools. Our children would suffer forever the curse of your brain-dead genetics. You are unworthy of my acorns."
Camera fades to Woody, victorious after the very first Scramble Championship match. He holds the Championship Belt aloft. Out of focus behind him, we see the scattered bodies of everyone else that was in the match.
“At Eggs Over Big Easy, I give you my final gift - your defeat. This parting gift of pain I give you will not please me. But it will be a necessary end to a frankly dismal relationship.”
Fade to black.
“I’ll send a friend to collect my records, and I’m changing my number. Farewell.”
A white “W” appears in the center of the screen.
“Warmest regards, Woody.”
(final word count: 500)
"Dearest Holly..."
Slow fade in. The camera pans slowly on a picture of Holly Guacamole, posing seductively. There’s a heart drawn around here. Slow violin music begins playing.
"It is with sadness and regret that I must put into words what we have known for too long."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly straddling Woody on a chair. Her hands are all over Woody.
"Though my body mourns the loss of your fingernails, firm and playful as they rake the varnish from my chest... Though my eyes weep bittersweet liquids, sad that your rose-petal lips shall never kiss them away... Ye, though my very roots grow stiff with desire for your mammal’s warmth... It is time to face facts - this relationship will never work.."
Camera fades to a picture of Woody knocking Holly into a pit of gravy.
"I have tried, as gentlemen should, to let you down easily. Through subtle hints, I have made every earnest attempt to protect your feelings and save your reputation. However, your recent actions demand a more... direct approach."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly, forcing herself onto Woody in the desert.
"So, here is why we must move on... You are a psychopath, a murderer of tree folk, and - let's be honest - a rapist. And while a tree-person like myself could eventually see past all that, the fact remains…”
Fade to black.
"...you are a child, and will never grow up."
Fade from black, to a picture of Holly attacking wooden mannequins dressed like Owlman, El Vainillo, and The Grin. Her teeth, gritting, as she swings a hockey stick.
"As I watch you prepare for this match, I see the wisdom of children. You brandish weapons you'll have no access to. You rehearse techniques that will disqualify you. You express emotions that will blind you. You spar with partners that don't challenge you."
Camera fades to a picture of Holly, packing a care package for Woody & The Grin. She is lovingly placing a bottle of wood polish in the box.
"I adore you in ways no tree has ever adored a human before. But I cannot give my love to fools. Our children would suffer forever the curse of your brain-dead genetics. You are unworthy of my acorns."
Camera fades to Woody, victorious after the very first Scramble Championship match. He holds the Championship Belt aloft. Out of focus behind him, we see the scattered bodies of everyone else that was in the match.
“At Eggs Over Big Easy, I give you my final gift - your defeat. This parting gift of pain I give you will not please me. But it will be a necessary end to a frankly dismal relationship.”
Fade to black.
“I’ll send a friend to collect my records, and I’m changing my number. Farewell.”
A white “W” appears in the center of the screen.
“Warmest regards, Woody.”
(final word count: 500)