Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2015 19:19:57 GMT
'C'mon, Lyndz! Be careful!'
The complaint - delivered by a reedy male voice over shaky, indistinct footage of what appears to be a parking-lot floor - opens the latest video on the Pollomania website. A moment later, another voice, this one female, testily replies:
'I tripped, Walter. Gosh!'
Then, more gently:
'Okay, you ready?'
'Ready.' A tubby man in an orange and blue superhero costume suddenly comes into frame, standing against what appears to be the back wall of the Pollo Bucket, as the girl is once again heard from off-camera:
'Oh crap, it was already rolling!'
'It was WHAT!?' The man lunges forward, panicking, but the girl retorts:
'We can edit it out, dummy! Just get in position!'
Appeased, the man returns to his initial spot, a few feet away from the camera, and awaits his camerawoman's signal. When it comes, a moment later, he turns to the camera and begins:
'Tigre, Holly, Brutus...when Pollomania comes to Louisiana on November 18, it may look like you guys are favorites to win the six-person main event. First of all, you all know one another better than El Vainillo and me know one another. Second of all, you're willing to resort to underhanded tactics to achieve victory. And third of all...there is technically one more person in your team than in ours. Though you'll probably say I count for two, because of my padding. Just like every other villain I've ever faced.'
The hero paces towards the camera, holding out a finger, his expression stern:
'But let me tell the three of you something. Just because we're on the back foot, it doesn't mean we're defeated. You know why? Because we don't really have one element less on our team...we have a bunch of extra ones. You see, not only am I teaming with a man who should rightfully be the Pollomania Scramble Champion by now...but we're both on the same page. We both have willpower, determination, heart and the desire to do what's right. That's four additional elements that your team could never hope to have. And it's those elements that are going to lead us to victory. See, this isn't really a three-on-two handicap...it's six-on-three. In our favor.'
An actual smirk appears on the masked hero's lips, underneath his beard, as he concludes:
'So you see, Holly, Brutus, Tigre...the team of El Vainillo, Owl Man and Woody may not look the best...may not seem the best...but it doesn't have to. All we have to do is put our efforts together, and we can beat anything you throw at us. We're not handicapped - we're handicapable. And on Wednesday...we're going to prove it.'
The hero strides regally off-camera, as his camerawoman is heard muttering, in a panicky voice:
'Oh crap, how do you turn it off? WALTEEEEERRR!'
It is on this note that the video ends.
And it is never edited at all.
Final Word Count: 490