Post by Buck U Productions on Nov 9, 2015 16:06:03 GMT
*Camera turns on and we see a brightly colored room with posters on the wall. A red-eyed Holly Guacamole comes into view and begins speaking.*
“Woody, I was hoping you would be different than all the other guys I know. You seemed sweet and funny; I really thought we could have had something but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
“I don’t know, maybe it’s because you think I’m too childish or because my brother is a homicidal maniac. Maybe you think I’m a little crazy too.”
She stops to sniffle and wipe her eyes.
“I tried so hard to get you to like me. I sent you and Grin gifts. I know how much you and he hated what he did to those puppets, so I sent you the rest of them so he couldn’t hurt those ones too. Now, I know that I freaked out when during our first match when you asked for a kiss; it was my first match and I was feeling nervous.”
She wipes away a few more tears before her face turned into a sneer.
“I guess that was my only chance, hey Woody? You’ve made it pretty clear since then that you don’t like me the same way I liked you, but you know what, that’s fine. See I’m done pining over your wooden ass. Considering the gifts I gave you, how it was me that saved you and your fat, gross friend from getting killed by Brute and my brother. What, did you actually think they thought you two were going to die out in that desert? Don’t you think Woody, if they had been serious about killing you that they would simply set your ass on fire and roasted Grin over the flame?”
She starts laughing.
“It’s not like the Mexican police would have done anything if they did. You and Grin would have just been another dead “gringos” left in the desert. No, it was ME that convinced my brother not to finish you ungrateful pieces of shit off! He may be soulless, but there’s enough of his old self left that he’ll listen to his little sister when she begs.
“How do you and your fat, disgusting friend thank me? Grin throws me in that grave last month and dumps that gravy on me, and you did nothing to stop him, Woody! Then Grin pulled me back out looking for that stupid Super Pollo and chooses to throw me back in, and you did nothing to stop him. You probably thought the whole thing was funny!
“You know what was funny, Wood,” she asks, sneering, “When I dumped that bucket of hot gravy on your buddy’s fat head. It actually made him smell better for a change!”
She starts laughing hysterically.
“Woody, at “Eggs Over Big Easy” you don’t need to worry about my brother burning you! I’m going to turn you into fire wood. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!”
FIN
(497 words)
“Woody, I was hoping you would be different than all the other guys I know. You seemed sweet and funny; I really thought we could have had something but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
“I don’t know, maybe it’s because you think I’m too childish or because my brother is a homicidal maniac. Maybe you think I’m a little crazy too.”
She stops to sniffle and wipe her eyes.
“I tried so hard to get you to like me. I sent you and Grin gifts. I know how much you and he hated what he did to those puppets, so I sent you the rest of them so he couldn’t hurt those ones too. Now, I know that I freaked out when during our first match when you asked for a kiss; it was my first match and I was feeling nervous.”
She wipes away a few more tears before her face turned into a sneer.
“I guess that was my only chance, hey Woody? You’ve made it pretty clear since then that you don’t like me the same way I liked you, but you know what, that’s fine. See I’m done pining over your wooden ass. Considering the gifts I gave you, how it was me that saved you and your fat, gross friend from getting killed by Brute and my brother. What, did you actually think they thought you two were going to die out in that desert? Don’t you think Woody, if they had been serious about killing you that they would simply set your ass on fire and roasted Grin over the flame?”
She starts laughing.
“It’s not like the Mexican police would have done anything if they did. You and Grin would have just been another dead “gringos” left in the desert. No, it was ME that convinced my brother not to finish you ungrateful pieces of shit off! He may be soulless, but there’s enough of his old self left that he’ll listen to his little sister when she begs.
“How do you and your fat, disgusting friend thank me? Grin throws me in that grave last month and dumps that gravy on me, and you did nothing to stop him, Woody! Then Grin pulled me back out looking for that stupid Super Pollo and chooses to throw me back in, and you did nothing to stop him. You probably thought the whole thing was funny!
“You know what was funny, Wood,” she asks, sneering, “When I dumped that bucket of hot gravy on your buddy’s fat head. It actually made him smell better for a change!”
She starts laughing hysterically.
“Woody, at “Eggs Over Big Easy” you don’t need to worry about my brother burning you! I’m going to turn you into fire wood. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!”
FIN
(497 words)