Post by HAMMERSTEIN on Jun 14, 2016 3:33:42 GMT
The melodious (?) sounds of Ariana Grande’s hit ‘Dangerous Woman’ fill the post midnight air as the Polloproduction team walk through the hallway toward the lounge of the Motel 6 in Lowell, Massachusetts. They push the door open only to find the club empty, save for a lone singer, belting the song out in a manner close to that of Grande’s.
Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout you
Makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't
Somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout, somethin' 'bout…
That singer is HAMMERSTEIN.
He sees the crew walking through the doors and frantically scrambles to turn the karaoke track off. In his attempt, he knocks a over a speaker, gets tangled in the electrical cords, and falls into the karaoke machine knocking it over and stopping the track. He gets to his feet and leans over, hands on the speaker and breathing heavily. He holds up his index finger, signaling the production team to give him a minute. He slowly catches his breath and stands to his feet. He wipes his sweaty brow with his forearm and smiles sheepishly.
Hi, guys. Wowzers, y'all surprised me, sneakin up on me and all. What's up?
One of the production team explains they were sent to watch his Fight 1 match and get his raw reaction to the match.
Dude, I'm bummed that I lost, but, ya know, like Hova says, on to the next one, and dat’s Finger Lickin Fun, and Keith Skyfire and Angel Kash.
Now I have some experience with Skyfire, or Mayor McDickcheese as I call him. We was in a six man tag match with True North Ant, and he pulled dick move after dick move, but now he's gonna be pullin his dick moves against me. Wait, that’s not how I meant for that to come out. What I meant to say was…..
What did I mean to say?
Anyway, Mayor McDickcheese, you a straight up douchecanoe, and that's on the real. I don't expect you to play fair and dat’s cool, booboo. I can get mean and nasty with the worst of them. Or the best of them. Worst of them? Best of them? I dunno. What I'm tryin to say is I'ma whup yo fruitbooty.
And speakin of booty….
Angel Kash. You kin to Johnny? Prolly not. He was cool and sang cool songs. You hot and throw out that same tired jive bout how you better than everbody cause you got all dat cash money.
By the way, can I borrow a couple hundred? I spent all my money on parts for my El Camino cause some fishslappers in New Orleans stripped it like I do an order of Pollobucket hot wings. YOWZA! Oh yeah, I wanna take my main squeeze, Anna Mathews, ya know the Estrel Champ, out for a date and I wanna treat her. She shot down my original idea. See, I was gonna take her to Sonic and back in to the stall so she could do the ordering. But this prolly ain't the time or place for this.
Anyway, yo name may be Angel, but you are one devilish woman. You got a horrible attitude, almost as bad as Mayor McDickcheese. I'ma call you Mistress McDouchebag.
What was my point again?
Just cause you gots lots a cash money dollah dollah bills yo, you think you're better than me or even the mayor. But you see, y’all ain't got what I got.
See, the mayor, he thinks his skills make him the frontrunner. And Mistress, you think yo money makes you the frontrunner. But y’all see, my Shaq-Fu is strong, much stronger than y’alls Jackass-Jitsu. And I'ma get my black belt in the sub-discipline of fruitbooty whuppin’.
I'ma show the world that you two donkeylickers ain't got what it takes to hang with The Hammer. And dat lesson ain't gonna cost you a dime, sweetcheeks.
But on the real, about dat two hundred dollars….