The Day The Earth Stood Still
Dec 1, 2015 8:21:35 GMT
ISM Office, Buck U Productions, and 1 more like this
Post by Los Pollos™ on Dec 1, 2015 8:21:35 GMT
Why couldn’t a plasmo-protonic radar-locator tell me which area the stupid fall should’ve taken place? And why would you design a suit with a weakness point at the exact same anatomical place as the creatures you’re trying to conquer?
These questions weighed heavily on my mind, as I was being dragged through a hallway by filthy apes.
“I WILL NOT BE ORDERED AROUND BY THE LIKES OF YOU HUMAN!!” I stated in a calm and matter-of-factly manner.
“Hey Zargnax, take a fucking chill pill and relax. You can file a complaint later, like the rest of us lowly humans,” a familiar voice called out in the distance. I looked around and there he was – the lesser intelligent life-form who had caused me so much suffering. I mustered my courage and fearlessly confronted the unevolved deviant.
“YOU!!! YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY YOU AGAIN!”
He looked back at me, evilly, and retorted.
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who shoved a Ray Gun up your ass…”
With the might of a thousand black holes I freed myself from my captors, confidently strutted toward the fearful primate before me and quipped
“YOU WILL BE MY FIRST CASUALTY IN MY CONQUEST!!”
But just as I was about to thwart my wicked nemesis, I heard another voice.
“Stop right there, the both of you!”
I looked around and saw another human, one I didn’t recognize (although to be fair, most humans look the same).
“The both of you are now under the official diplomatic protection of the Canadian Embassy. Any violationsagainst this diplomatic order will be dealt with severely, and that includes the both of you…”
Canadia? I’ve never heard of that planet. I glanced over at my nemesis to see if he knew what was going on. It didn’t seem like it, especially judging by what he said next.
“Alright Mr. Smarty-Pants, lets cut to the chase already. What the fuck are you going on about?”
“You have both been volunteered as partners to the Canadian Embassy for the Pollo Playhouse match. This has been cleared with the cooperation of your employers. Any questions?”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“I’m very serious, Mr Rousseau. And I assure you, the both of you, that it is in your best interest to comply with the wishes of the Candian Embassy. For further questions, please refer to Charlotte O’Neil.”
With that he handed us each a rectangular piece of paper (a device often used on earth to store written information on), before bidding farewell. I stared at the paper pretending to understand the strange script, to avoid the awkward situation. Suddenly the evil primate broke the silence.
“Listen. I don’t wanna do this anymore than you do. But let’s just put this ridiculous shit behind us and just focus on winning that fucking match. Alright?”
I was shocked and appalled, but at the same time, I knew that there was no point in resisting.
“Alright. But you’re so damn ugly.”
These questions weighed heavily on my mind, as I was being dragged through a hallway by filthy apes.
“I WILL NOT BE ORDERED AROUND BY THE LIKES OF YOU HUMAN!!” I stated in a calm and matter-of-factly manner.
“Hey Zargnax, take a fucking chill pill and relax. You can file a complaint later, like the rest of us lowly humans,” a familiar voice called out in the distance. I looked around and there he was – the lesser intelligent life-form who had caused me so much suffering. I mustered my courage and fearlessly confronted the unevolved deviant.
“YOU!!! YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY YOU AGAIN!”
He looked back at me, evilly, and retorted.
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who shoved a Ray Gun up your ass…”
With the might of a thousand black holes I freed myself from my captors, confidently strutted toward the fearful primate before me and quipped
“YOU WILL BE MY FIRST CASUALTY IN MY CONQUEST!!”
But just as I was about to thwart my wicked nemesis, I heard another voice.
“Stop right there, the both of you!”
I looked around and saw another human, one I didn’t recognize (although to be fair, most humans look the same).
“The both of you are now under the official diplomatic protection of the Canadian Embassy. Any violationsagainst this diplomatic order will be dealt with severely, and that includes the both of you…”
Canadia? I’ve never heard of that planet. I glanced over at my nemesis to see if he knew what was going on. It didn’t seem like it, especially judging by what he said next.
“Alright Mr. Smarty-Pants, lets cut to the chase already. What the fuck are you going on about?”
“You have both been volunteered as partners to the Canadian Embassy for the Pollo Playhouse match. This has been cleared with the cooperation of your employers. Any questions?”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“I’m very serious, Mr Rousseau. And I assure you, the both of you, that it is in your best interest to comply with the wishes of the Candian Embassy. For further questions, please refer to Charlotte O’Neil.”
With that he handed us each a rectangular piece of paper (a device often used on earth to store written information on), before bidding farewell. I stared at the paper pretending to understand the strange script, to avoid the awkward situation. Suddenly the evil primate broke the silence.
“Listen. I don’t wanna do this anymore than you do. But let’s just put this ridiculous shit behind us and just focus on winning that fucking match. Alright?”
I was shocked and appalled, but at the same time, I knew that there was no point in resisting.
“Alright. But you’re so damn ugly.”