Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2015 15:49:02 GMT
Now I stand, a king without a crown, a champion without a goddamn belt.
But believe it or not, that match wasn’t the strangest spectacle to happen that night, at least as far as I was concerned.
I guess, the wrestling gods (or management) weren’t quite done with me for the night.
So there I was, kicking away at a lousy-fucking vending machine that had swallowed my hard-earned cash money and wouldn’t dispense my Peanut-Butter M&Ms.
“UNHAND ME YOU PRIMITIVE FOOLS!!”
I instinctively turned my head, and saw the Intergalactic Conqueror himself, Zargnax, barely restrained by Pollomania security employees, who clearly weren’t paid enough to deal with an alien invader piloting a fucking exo-suit.
“Mr. Zargnax, please calm down! We’re only doing our jobs!” exclaimed one of the guards in a voice that sounded like he was trying his best, and failing, to sound legitimately tough.
“I WILL NOT BE ORDERED AROUND BY THE LIKES OF YOU, HUMAN!!”
“Hey Zargnax, take a fucking chill pill and relax. You can file a complaint later, like the rest of us lowly humans,” I remarked, unable to help myself.
Zargnax shifted his attention over to myself, and it looked evident that my half-hearted attempt at calming the alien had only served to incense him further.
“YOU!!! YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY YOU AGAIN!” screamed Zargnax as our eyes met across the corridor. While the guards appeared to be struggling with all of their combined strength to keep the Intergalactic Conqueror restrained, I remembered scratching my head in response, trying my best to take all of it in.
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who shoved a Ray Gun up your ass…” but before I could finish, Zargnax managed to throw the chumps off him and started making a beeline towards yours truly.
“YOU WILL BE MY FIRST CASUALTY IN MY CONQUEST!!”
Before either of us could pick up where we left off in the ring, a voice suddenly interrupted the proceedings.
“Stop right there, the both of you!”
Zargnax immediately released his hold on me and I dropped down to my feet. I caught sight a man in a suit, and when I saw the small Canadian flag pinned to his lapel, I knew that the game was afoot…
“The both of you are now under the official diplomatic protection of the Canadian Embassy. Any violations against this diplomatic order will be dealt with severely, and that includes the both of you…”
I glanced at Zargnax and the look he gave me told me that he was just as clueless as I was.
“Alright Mr. Smarty-Pants, lets cut to the chase already. What the fuck are you going on about?” I asked.
“You have both been volunteered as partners to the Canadian Embassy for the Pollo Playhouse match. This has been cleared with the cooperation of your employers. Any questions?”
I raised my hand in response, asking the only appropriate question:
“Are you fucking serious?”
But believe it or not, that match wasn’t the strangest spectacle to happen that night, at least as far as I was concerned.
I guess, the wrestling gods (or management) weren’t quite done with me for the night.
So there I was, kicking away at a lousy-fucking vending machine that had swallowed my hard-earned cash money and wouldn’t dispense my Peanut-Butter M&Ms.
“UNHAND ME YOU PRIMITIVE FOOLS!!”
I instinctively turned my head, and saw the Intergalactic Conqueror himself, Zargnax, barely restrained by Pollomania security employees, who clearly weren’t paid enough to deal with an alien invader piloting a fucking exo-suit.
“Mr. Zargnax, please calm down! We’re only doing our jobs!” exclaimed one of the guards in a voice that sounded like he was trying his best, and failing, to sound legitimately tough.
“I WILL NOT BE ORDERED AROUND BY THE LIKES OF YOU, HUMAN!!”
“Hey Zargnax, take a fucking chill pill and relax. You can file a complaint later, like the rest of us lowly humans,” I remarked, unable to help myself.
Zargnax shifted his attention over to myself, and it looked evident that my half-hearted attempt at calming the alien had only served to incense him further.
“YOU!!! YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF ALL THIS!! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY YOU AGAIN!” screamed Zargnax as our eyes met across the corridor. While the guards appeared to be struggling with all of their combined strength to keep the Intergalactic Conqueror restrained, I remembered scratching my head in response, trying my best to take all of it in.
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who shoved a Ray Gun up your ass…” but before I could finish, Zargnax managed to throw the chumps off him and started making a beeline towards yours truly.
“YOU WILL BE MY FIRST CASUALTY IN MY CONQUEST!!”
Before either of us could pick up where we left off in the ring, a voice suddenly interrupted the proceedings.
“Stop right there, the both of you!”
Zargnax immediately released his hold on me and I dropped down to my feet. I caught sight a man in a suit, and when I saw the small Canadian flag pinned to his lapel, I knew that the game was afoot…
“The both of you are now under the official diplomatic protection of the Canadian Embassy. Any violations against this diplomatic order will be dealt with severely, and that includes the both of you…”
I glanced at Zargnax and the look he gave me told me that he was just as clueless as I was.
“Alright Mr. Smarty-Pants, lets cut to the chase already. What the fuck are you going on about?” I asked.
“You have both been volunteered as partners to the Canadian Embassy for the Pollo Playhouse match. This has been cleared with the cooperation of your employers. Any questions?”
I raised my hand in response, asking the only appropriate question:
“Are you fucking serious?”